tsi'b kolonton

fyi.

2007-11-19T17:42:18Z

Today I am being paid to research elementary school activists and plan a curriculum around getting kids to take social action- the culmination of which will be a program wide mobilization for more funding for after school programing and less policing in our community.

Later in the day a dear friend of mine is coming to the program to teach my kids about locally grown food and teach us about the politics of why all the carrots we see in the store are orange.

damn. I love my life.

mrscaulfield @ 2007-10-13T11:21:00

2007-10-13T15:34:50Z

Saturday morning. For useless brainless activities. (and because I'm waiting for my brunch date to get to the Neptune from Brooklyn.) (which is true Friendship)

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie

Opening Credits:
Instant pleasure- Rufus Wainwright. (oh. dear)

Waking up:
Sadness Creeps- Of Montreal

First Day at High School:
Young and Beautiful- Martin Sexton

Falling In Love:
Ribbon in th Sky - Stevie wonder

Fight Song:
Gumboots- Paul Simon

Breaking Up:
King of Pain- The Police

Prom:
Universal Traveler- Air

Life:
Checking my Pulse- Alix Olsen (I like where it fell on Becca's better)

Mental Breakdown:
Fuck the Police- Rage Against the Machine.

Driving:
If you Wanna Wear a Hat- Apples in Stereo (excellent driving song I think)

Flashback:
Because- The Beatles

Getting Back Together:
Walk on me- Ben Kweller

Wedding:
Catch my Disease- Ben Lee (explain that to the inlaws....)

Birth of Child:
Blame it on the Tetons- Modest Mouse

Final Battle:
A lover Sings- Billy Bragg

Death Scene:
Piece of my Heart as covered by....The HANSON brothers. (Excellent)

Funeral Song:
Free Until they Get me Down- Iron and Wine. (nice)

End Credits:
Sweet Adeline- Elliott Smith. (because,as we all know the movie of my life is just Good Will Hunting)

are you serious?

2007-09-26T04:06:41Z

How is it possible in a borough of one million people to run into one ex, and one friend/ possible drug enabler of another ex in the same night, but rarely ever bump into my cute neighbor who lives upstairs?

sometimes I am such a chick lit cliche that I want to throw up all over myself. I have not ever aspired, and never plan to aspire to be Carrie Bradshaw.

Instead I pour myself a glass of whiskey (neat), and try to find a wireless connection on my stoop.

Success!

In other news, I LOVE my new job.

YES!

mrscaulfield @ 2007-04-20T03:29:00

2007-04-20T07:42:28Z

one bad thing about putting so much faith in friendship is that sometimes other people don't feel the same way.
Lately I've been advocating a pretty open heart policy in regards to relationships, I don't know how any of us would get by in this city without that unconditional love, but tonight makes me reconsider.

I feel like in the end it's always just going to be me, standing alone in some corner trying to put the pieces back together, and maybe I'll always be searching for someone to give me the glue, because truly, I don't know how anyone could keep a heart together without some help

but then, how many times do you think a heart can break before you give up on it?

"I got something in me that keeps me on the go
It keeps me going going, keeps me gone
And I got something in me that keeps me on an unfamiliar street
Running up to strangers, tugging at their coat and saying
Won't you break this heart for me
Don't you leave it here smooth and shiny filling up my throat
Won't you just make a little crack for me
So maybe something could get in
Or something could get out
If something could get in maybe something could get out

I guess we're all the same, we walk our days looking for a little more fire
And we all sometimes have to sit on our hands
We try to hold ourselves together
We try to talk about the weather
When all we really want to do is take each other by the throat and say
Won't you dream my dream with me
Don't you leave it here drying on my pillow
Won't you just soak a little up for me
Won't you give it just a safe place to go
It just needs a little safe place to go"

Becca, on my persistent yeast infections:

2007-01-26T04:58:54Z

"Becca: No! You know what you are doing? You are turning your hoo-ha into an old person's refrigerator. Think about it, yogurt and vinegar. An old person fridge."

In other news: Squirel alert.

Also, the prettiest girl from school goes to my gym. It is demeaning enough to go to the gym and feel like a hamster on a wheel. The thing I like about my gym is that no one else I know goes there. Because it is in queens! That is, until beautiful, and genuinely nice Kathleen from school comes and spoils my anonymity and makes me feel like a sputtering, flabby, redfaced poser. Which I am. except before there were no witnesses. I guess it means you are actually becoming a part of the neighborhood when you start running into people you know. Immediately following the gym debacle I nearly crashed into neighbor John at the grocery store, my arms brimming with three different types of soy product. Still redfaced from the gym, my hair a matted sweaty mess wearing sweatpants pants I bought in mexico that say sexxxy on the ass and cost 1 peso. I sputtered "Look at all the soy products I find myself buying!" and then he walked away confused.

Ah well, good thing I don't have a crush on neighbor John. (that was not, by the way, a thinly veiled concealment of a crush on neighbor. He is quite a nice and handsome fellow, but I do not indeed have a "crush" on him as of yet)
and finally, another reason I'm glad I live with becca:

"I prefer jantorix. sounds more like a dom."

mrscaulfield @ 2006-08-16T00:25:00

2006-08-16T04:26:51Z

I have an apartment and apartment an apartment. dancey dancey dancey dance dance. astoria. ditmars and 42 ave. awesome mcawesomeness.

more on this subject later.

mrscaulfield @ 2006-07-19T22:13:00

2006-07-20T02:18:00Z

Did I ever mention that I learned a little tsotzil, one of the indigenous languages of chiapas, back when I was in Mexico? Right, well I did. And my favorite word that I learned was kolonton, which means heart. but you can add all kinds of modifiers to it, which make it mean different things. If you add the word "ts'ib" to it, it means lots of things

a)my heart is writing
b)my heart is a warrior

i.e. my heart will kick your ass, With words.

when there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire

2006-07-17T16:07:27Z

I'm still so hurt I want to throw up. Am now pretty positive he did it on purpose to hurt me, and I know if I can still be hurt like this, and he is willing to throw the punches to do it, that I can't ever see him again. I forgot he had this in him, forgot that for all his talk he gets this horrible when he doesn't know what else to do. I had promised to make this so drama free, to make sure I wasn't playing games, and to be a bigger person than I was the last time I went through this. I forgot that he might not feel the same. And I forgot how hard this whole thing is. I'm tired of hearing myself talk about this, tired of thinking about it, tired of the tight knot in the pit of my stomach that reminds me that loving people as much as I do makes it hurt more. I never expect the people I love to hurt me, because I believe the most revolutionary thing you can do is treat the people you love with respect and dignity. I want to believe that if we all do, then we wont need to hurt each other. I should know better, I'm too much of a cynic to be such a godamn hippie at heart.

I don't want to be loved until I remember the feeling of walking around and believing that everyone in this whole wide world could love me forever and all I would have to do is love them back.

To find that again I need space of my own, I need some trees and I need work that I love. Even if I dont get paid for it. I think I need Brooklyn. I feel for the first time that I don't have to jump into someone else's arms, that to do the next one right I'm going to have to do it on my own first. and so, in the immortal words of one Alanis Morrisette "You live, you learn...."
or, lets say to be a little classier, in the words of Regina Spektor, "all of my friends say it's gonna get better, better better better better better better"

I am resisting the urge to make this even more like high school by sending song lyrics. Avoiding it by posting them here for my own relief. This song bizzarely sums up the entire relationship from start to finish. And yes, it was on the O.C. soundtrack, and yes, you could probably tell if you heard it.

blow me.

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across point champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name…

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love…

Live through this, and you won't look back…
Live through this, and you won't look back…
Live through this, and you won't look back…

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say

I'm not sorry there's nothing to say...

I'm gonna make it after all.

2006-07-13T19:09:43Z

Having a very Mary Tyler Moore kind of day.
Despite my life being the stuff chick lit novels are made of (missing insoles, late trains, over use of febreeze, harrowing job interviews, sucky ex boyfriends and backstabbing friends) I have a distinct feeling that I'm about to emerge from this in a semi glowy, triumphant, Aretha Franklin I will survive karaoke kind of way.

exhibit a: Yoga.
Exhibit b: cake
exhibit c: babysitting job in the bag
exhibit d: almost definite slave wage job at chickpea falafel because i'm cute and israeli.

I forgot how good it feels to get over a broken heart by pulling your shit together and rising above. It doesn't hurt that I have the most incredible friends in the entire world (minus one misguided, drunken, self loathing lunatic)
This is a general procalmatory thank for being brought four types of cake, strawberries, and the new regina spektor, to fiona apple singalongs and dilpidated games of cranium. Also to cellphones, pillows you can beat up, righteous indignance, kelly carkson songs, Newsies, hugs, and the fact that if you fuck with me I will destroy you, and then get on with my life in a most productive and self affirming kind of way.

This was the best thing he could possibly have done, it is exactly the kick in the pants I needed to realize how much I should not be with him. . Well done good sir. Well done indeed.

RANT

2006-06-29T19:43:59Z

Q: You know what pisses me off?
A: A lot of things.

Q: You know what is pissing me off right now?
A: Paternalism.

(also lots of other things, but right now those guys throwing around footballs and yelling, my asshole he-man brother, and men who grab my breasts in the street get a special mention.)

FUUUUUUUUUCK.

oh. fabulous.

2006-05-18T05:41:38Z

Hey, good news guys. My worries are over.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/usatoday/20060517/ts_usatoday/collegegradsbackindemand

mrscaulfield @ 2006-05-03T00:05:00

2006-05-03T04:11:55Z

My mother pointed out this evening that amoebas reproduce by splitting, not sex. Which is good because it means no illicit sexual activity is taking place within my intestines, which means I remain pure in the eyes of Jesus. Just as long as I get a hold on illicit sexual activity outside of my intestines, I'm good as gold.

so far, no problem there. Thanks amoeba friends!

unrelated:

no friggin way! what were they thinking??? Jesus loves you Steven Colbert, illicit intestinal sexual activity or not.

http://www.dailymotion.com/sensemilia/video/143459

mrscaulfield @ 2006-05-02T17:33:00

2006-05-02T21:43:50Z

Friends, this is the kind of news that live journal updates were made for.

get ready....

Sometime during my short stay in Mexico City I was fortunate enough to have contracted .......AMOEBIC DYSTENTERY!

Yes friends, that means that I am (in the words of my doctor) "chock full of amoebas"
But, more importantly, it means that I get to run around telling people that I have AMOEBIC DYSENTERY, and honestly, who hasn't dreamt of doing that?

Don't worry though, it isn't contagious unless you have direct contact with my feces, so no worries. Except, well, I wont name names, but you know who you are (*coughGeorgeClooneycough*)

Becca and I will be spending the evening naming them after famous celebrity children, so get ready to meet, among others, tiny single celled Maddox and Zahara Jolie Pitt!

mrscaulfield @ 2006-04-10T03:10:00

2006-04-10T07:37:17Z

ohmygod. I am like IN the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, like, right now.

My blue room is red and not mine anymore, but all my books are on shelves in my new not blue room. I confiscated all the ducks. It was time. It turns out that in my before life I had like, a million pairs of underwear, which is infinitely better than 7.

But when my mom moved my room I wonder what she thought of things like the drawer full of condom wrappers, or the illicit object that is no longer in the bag where I am sure it used to be? These are things to ponder. Also, where is aformentioned illicit object if not in presumed bag?

These are mysteries to figure out later. For now I have to unravel the mystery of sleep, and how to do it, and also the mystery of how no time seems to pass, even if you have gone away for 7 months and been all alone in a foreign country. and you come home and everything feels the same. which is weird when you have been so different for so long.

As of now I still have no cell phone (and i wont lie, I am excited about getting one again, even though it was totally nice not having one for over half a year) Anyway, I can be called on my house phone, and if you have any business calling me you probably have the number, or know someone who does.

Tomorrow I jump right into the thick of things with immigrant protesting- let no one say I wasted my time getting back into the swing of things.

right. so. thats the news. what do you think?

I meant to formally announce a while ago:

2006-03-13T00:07:53Z

Hey. Guess what?
I am coming home in less than a month!

yeah. true story. I go home to Providence on April 9th.
What happens after that?
The possibilities include:
staying in providence until I find a job somewhere and playing with Emily and Sydneys improv group
going to New york and living off the land (i.e staying rent free on peoples couches)
the end result will probably be some combination of the two
um. anyone got any job leads?

also:
Yo, como tú ,
amo el amor, la vida, el dulce encanto
de las cosas, el paisaje
celeste do los días de enero.

Tambíen mi sangre bulle
y río por los ojos
que han conocido el brote de las lágrimas.

Creo que el mundo es bello,
que la poesía es como pan, de todos.

Y que mis venas no terminan en mí
sino en la sangre unánime
de los que luchan por la vida,
el amor,
las cosas,
el paisaje y el pan,
la poesía de todos.

Like you I
love love, life, the sweet smell
of things, the sky-blue
landscape of January days.

And my blood boils up
and I laugh through eyes
that have known the buds of tears.

I believe the world is beautiful
and that poetry, like bread, is for everyone.

And that my veins don't end in me
but in the unanimous blood
of those who struggle for life,
love,
little things,
landscape and bread,
the poetry of everyone.

....and your untouchable face...

2006-03-04T22:13:41Z

At what age does ones life cease to be reminiscent of an ani difranco song?
When will it stop being necessary to write about things like this on a freaking internet journal?
And when will I ever learn? Or rather, why do I insist on dating the same guy, with the same bullshit issues over and over and over again and be surprised when I am hurt in the exact same way.
Although this one really takes the cake, thus far. There should be some sort of prize. Perhaps a cake, that he could abscond with.
I apologize for being obtuse on purpose. Its not my fault. I am sad. And it is a Saturday afternoon. and I have nothing to do and no one to do it with.

(in this city
self-preservation
is a full time occupation
I'm determined
to survive on this shore
you know I don't
avert my eyes anymore
in a man's world
I am a woman by birth
and after nineteen times around I have found
they will stop at nothing once they know what you are worth
talk to me now
I played the powerless
in too many dark scenes
and I was blessed with a birth and a death
and I guess I just want some say in between
don't you understand
in the day to day
and the face to face
I have to act
just as strong as I can
just to preserve a place
where I can be who I am
so if you still know how
talk to me now)

mrscaulfield @ 2006-02-25T15:38:00

2006-02-25T21:40:28Z

Ok, no. Really. I QUIT.

HEAR ME?

mrscaulfield @ 2006-02-03T13:01:00

2006-02-03T19:07:37Z

Homesick=this video http://www.slc.edu/index.php?pageID=1442#living

Dear Jay,

You insist on taunting me. Also, why was I not informed of the presence of this video. Also, where are all my friends, oh. in this video on the internet. Narration: The opening shots are down the corridor of my house into my kitchen, next, my last brunch with the girls, subsequently elliott getting lunch at the pub, martha and Loras birthday party, development class and Josh Muldavin, my friends dancing on the lawn to stevie wonder cover band. Lora and sarah dancing at Bachanalia, Jay eating watermelon right before spillng beer all over my skirt, Jesse being a dork. GOOD LORD.

I dont know whether or not to be glad this exists, or terrified that I will reamin glued to the computer for the rest of my time here playing and replaying.

um. I have to go do something right now.

mrscaulfield @ 2006-01-27T12:50:00

2006-01-27T18:50:38Z

also- cryptic and self referential:

Holy holy holy holy what what what what what?
But in a good way.

mrscaulfield @ 2006-01-27T12:40:00

2006-01-27T18:49:21Z

I am so bored. I hate the internet.

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE:
1. Drama teacher
2. English teacher
3. Nanny
4. Sandwich artist

MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER
1. Newsies
2. Pi
3. Good Will Hunting
4. Wet Hot American Summer

FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN:
1. Ein Karem Israel
2. Brooklyn/ Harlem NYC
3. Providence RI
4. Bronxville NY

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH
1. The Daily show
2. The OC
3. Democacy Now
4. The West Wing

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION:
1. The Continent of Europe
2. Nicaragua
3. Honduras
4. Israel

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:
1. gmail.com
2. livejournal.com
3. nytimes.com
4. nycindymedia.org

FOUR OF YOUR ALL-TIME FAVOURITE RESTAURANTS:
1. Kebab and Curry, Providence RI
2. Al forno, Providence RI
3. That sushi place in Bronxville
4. Absolut Bagels, NYC

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS
1. CHEESE
2. chocolate
3. papaya
4. garlic

FOUR SCHOOLS YOU'VE ATTENDED
1. Sarah Lawrence College
2. Wheeler School
3. Aleprin Schecter Day School
4. Gan Shelanu

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. a bed
2. the beach
3. an apartment in NYC
4. outside

interntimewasting

2006-01-25T17:01:47Z

ok elissa- just for you

Ground Rules: The first player of this meme starts with the topic "5 Guilty Pleasures" and people who get tagged need to write an LJ entry about their 5 Guilty Pleasures as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names.

1- Walking around with my ears plugged up by my discman. I have bene told this is extremely rude behavior and slightly culturally insensitive, but I dont care. My life is SO much cooler when it has a soundtrack, plus I dont have to hear the catcalls, I just smile and move along.

2- Cheese. I put cheese in a separate food group labeled "cheese". It such a creamy salty cheesy comfort. I like all kinds of cheese except american. I like it in things, I like it plain. If I could only chose one thing to eat ever in my life, it would be cheese.

3- Pop music. There is no better way to start the day than to walk into the kitchen and find the cleaning lady blasting Bon Jovi s "its my life" on the radio. Seriously. Whever I hear American pop music here I feel weird and comforted. Even the songs I despise most in the states like that dumb "she will be loved" song that plays everywhere here, I feel a strange sense of calm and pride. Ok, not pride, but perhaps kinship, or solidarity.

4- ok, this is a gross one. In the summer when my feet get all peely from wearing sandals, or when I have a sunburn, or what have you, I get a bizzare satisfaction from peeling off the dead skin. Ew. I know. But it can amuse me for literally hours. It is very zen.

5- Speaking English. When there is someone around me who speaks English, even though I know I SHOULD always speak Spanish to keep practicing, sometimes I give up and just bust out. I cant help it. Im way smarter in English, also I have not yet mastered sarcasm in Spanish and sarcasm is extremely important to my day to day ability to communicate. I am so unfunny in spanish. Then, when I speak English I have trouble getting the sarcasm under control, it just bursts out everywhere and I cant stop it. Which I guess means you could say sarcasm is a guilty pleasure too.

mrscaulfield @ 2006-01-16T12:37:00

2006-01-16T18:39:36Z

Another gargantuan mass email, crossposted for your reading pleasure Hola friends, family, teachers colleagues etc.,

I felt I was about due for another mass email with the correct HanuChristmaNewYear salutations. Hi. Happyanukchristmanewyear! I'm back in San Cristobal starting what feels despite my attempts not to call it that, a new semester. Ive been in what seems like infrequent contact, having spent the past 3 or so weeks travelling around a bit during my vacation time. And now I'm in a bit of a post vacation, getting back into the swing of things funk, as most of my friends have left, and my job wont get really interesting for another month, and it has gotten pretty damn cold.
Since my last mass email, these important things have occurred:
I moved out of my house on the outskirts of San Cristobal having quickly tired of my endearing, but overly stoned, and extremely messy housemates. Those of you who have lived with me, or who have even seen my room or kitchen know that when I say something is too messy, it is probably the most filthy thing imaginable. I couldn't really take it, so I moved back to Casa Junax where I liked the social environment better, and settled in once more. A good choice I think.
The end of the month brought a plethora of parties and celebrations, and also meant that I had to say goodbye to many of the good friends I had made who were returning to their various far flung homes, schools and jobs. The blow was softened a bit by the fact that I got to go home with my friend Nury to Palenque for Christmas.
This was exciting because
a) Palenque is far warmer than San Cris
b) I have never celebrated christmas in my life
c) I have never celebrated christmas in Mexico

Nury and I rode a giant bus, on the way I spoke with the most ignorant person I have ever met who told me about a revelation he had had sitting on the steps of the Santo Domingo church while watching indigenous children sell wares about the beauty of everyday life or some crap. Then proceeded to tell me why indigenous people should not speak their own languages because, it hinders their success in "the real world", (except he didn't say indigenous he said Indians) then he asked if I knew whether or not the "Indians" had their babies in their "huts", and questioned how sanitary such a practice might be, he also wondered whether or not the Indians wear their "costumes" just for tourists, or if they liked "all that stuff". He also told me he didn't think indigenous girls were very "hot" which was really a shame because the children are so darn cute, I mean, what goes wrong anyway?, Later, to top it all off, when the discussion turned to theater, he said that it was probably better that no new playwrights, especially women, be allowed to be produced on Broadway, because what would he rather go see, The Producers, which he knows is good because he read about it, or something he has never heard of.
Wow.
I had to restrain myself from jumping out of my seat and throwing him out the window. Luckily, I managed to make it to Palenque without any violence, and it was just as well because Christmas at Nurys was a true cultural experience.

On the one hand great: We got in, made a shopping list with Nurys 2 sisters, went out and bought a mountain of food and spent the rest of the night and all of the next day cooking, sampling, listening to music, gossiping etc. It was a lovely safe, and enjoyable space for everyone.
On the downside, there was a very clear divide between male and female space. Dad shelled out the pesos for the food and demanded a few favorite dishes, and went next door to get drunk, and the girls spent all day cooking in the kitchen. By the time Christmas dinner rolled around the dad had already consumed near to a whole bottle of rum and a liter of coke. He slurred a lot, which made the ridiculous things he was trying to say to me even more indecipherable, but from what I could tell he wanted to inform me that my people had killed Jesus, but he was ok with that, that Jews are rich, hate Palestinians, and probably sunshine and puppies given that we don't celebrate Christmas or believe in Jesus as the savior and messiah. He also wanted me to undertake an importing enterprise to ship his delicious kumquats from his ranch in Mexico to New York City.
Yet, despite that minor aberration, it was fun to celebrate Christmas (which I had heard was so much fun) and get to hang lights, and roast a turkey and decorate a tree. Although, to be honest I did miss my own family's Christmas tradition of spreading out in the living room in front of the fireplace with the entire weeks newspapers we haven't gotten a chance to read, then going to the movies and ordering Chinese or Indian food like all of the rest of the Jews in town.

After spending 3 more days at Palenque, gorging on leftovers, watching cable tv and catching up on MTV´s Laguna beach with Nury´s two teenage sisters, and visiting the famous and quite awe inspiring Mayan ruins outside of the town, I bussed it back home in order to await the arrival of Lora and Alice, two friends from Sarah Lawrence who were coming to spend New Years with me and attend the Zaptista encuentro on New Years day.

When they finally arrived I had trouble convincing myself that they were not figments of my imagination. Alice, who I had last seen in Antigua on crutches, was limping on her very own two feet, and Lora´s bag was bursting with presents from everyone back home. (sidenote: to everyone who sent me CDs, thank you so so so so much. I was about to throw the ten cds I had with me out the window, and you provided a much needed infusion of new sounds. Plus, some of you guys are just too indie and cutting edge for words. How do you stand it? Those of you who made me two cds for varying moods hit it right on the spot. The final count was 20 new cds and a lot of love and happy dancing in the kitchen.)Anyone who missed the chance to send a cd with Lora and feels desperately bad, can send them in the mail at any time, along with cash, travellers checks, or a pony. The address will be featured at the end of this email.
Anyway, Lora Alice and I limped around town (Alice limped, Lora and I walked really slow) And I got to show off my life here, and all the neat things I do and people I know. Its funny how sometimes you don't realize how nice your life is until you can show it to someone else. I definitely felt like in showing Lora and Alice around, things I had never thought of as my own, became much more so. We had a really fun new year eve in my house, which was packed to the gills with people coming for the news years day Zapatista Celebration. We had a huge international potluck, where everyone somehow ended up cooking something somewhat traditional from their country. We American girls made burgers (out of lentils) the Italian guy made pasta, the Spanish made tortilla, the french guy made a cheese plate, the Germans made potato salad, the Mexicans made guacamole and bought tequila, and a good time was definitely had by all. At some point w elooked around and realized that 6 different languages were being spoken at the same time, which I why I totally love my house. After dinner we pushed away all the furniture in the living room and had huge dance party, almost missing midnight. At midnight everyone hugged and kissed and put on back packs and walked around the block, which is apparently a tradition. Then Lora Alice and I realized that last year on New years we had said "next year in Chiapas, and there we were" so we said "next year without capitalism!" and also "next year with Martha" and felt quite satisfied.

The next day was a kickoff party for the Otra Compana, which is essentially a Zapatista campaign in opposition to the presidential campaign which is underway right now. Marcos, who has been named "Delegate Zero" for the moment is going around to all of the different states in Mexico on a special campaign to find out how society can actually get involved in grassroots democracy and what people in the country really need. It is all a part of the Sexta Decleracion, which is kind of the new and next phase of Zapaitsmo, bringing it out into a larger sphere of participation. (you can read stuff about it here http://chiapas.indymedia.org/)

There was a palpable sense of excitement in the air on New Years day. It was like Santa Claus was coming to town, only it was Zapatistas. 1200 indigenous masked women and children to be exact. We went to the outskirts of town during the day to see where they were lined up to march, and the sight was amazingly moving. People were lined up for 4 blocks in either direction, holding signs, babies on backs, masks and bandanas covering faces. Walking up past the lines of marchers I felt so strongly the need for everyone to have this kind of a movement, to own it as these people do, and felt very much as if this was only the beginning. If we could do this here, in this tiny part of the world, why not elsewhere. It looked and felt like the real thing, and seeing it so closely, I wanted such a thing very badly for all of us as well.
We waited many hours for the actual demonstration (Zapatista time is way not punctual gringo time) But it was lovely to mill around the crowd, see all the different people who were in attendance, and feel the general good vibes emanating from the crowd. (quite a change from your typical ANSWER UFPJ type rally) When the indigenous delegation finally flooded in, and the EZLN central commandancia took the stage the crowd freaked out kind of like a rock concert, and everyone took pictures of Marcos, who really sticks out, given that he stands a good head and a half over the other comandantes. There were about 10 speeches, the best by far given by the two women in the commandancia, and then the rally was over, but no one went home. All over the center of town, Zapatistas just put down their stuff and camped out. There was a huge vat of black beans to feed everyone, there were blankets, and pieces of cardboard to sleep on, mothers covered up their babies, men fell asleep leaning on walls, public space was OCCUPIED. Lora Alice and I wandered around in awe just looking around at all the people who were there. It is hard to describe the sight of it, the only thing I can really think of to say about it was that it was truly one of the most beautiful things I have seen, and that it filled me with a desire and a hope to create these kinds of spaces myself, wherever I go. As soon as I can get pictures uploaded, i´ll send a link so you can get a better idea.

Again, this email is like a novel. When writing or talking in English I have a tendency to store up a lot, and then let it burst out all at once- because damn, it´s so much easier than Spanish!

What else- Work at FOMMA has been some good, some frustrating. They are spending the rest of Jan. getting done all the bureaucratic crap they need to do before coming to the states on tour, which still leaves me with not much interesting to see or do. I catalogue videos and make flyers. Ive cut down to working at the office only twice a week, and am looking around for something else to do on the other days, until they start rehearsing, which they promised I´d get to help with, in Feb.
On Saturdays my class with the kids is going great. They wrote a story about a bunch of animals in the jungle who all get together because the king of the jungle is eating all their food. They confront the king, who tells them they have to work harder to get food, and then go on strike and replace king lion with two other monarchs who subsequently let the power go to their heads and eat all the food. In the end, the animals decide "to hell with the monarchy!" and decide to govern food distribution and everything else, communally. then they have a huge party, and the 3 bad monarchs have to work double time to replace the food they stole, and also eat all the gross vegetables that the other animals don't like. I totally did not lead the kids to this, they made it up all on their own, and I turned it into a script, and we are going to make costumes and a set and put it up in March. I am in love with these kids, and I think the play is going to be absolutely fantastic.

As for life in San Cristobal in general, it goes up and down, I´m sick of constantly making friends and watching them leave, and having to meet new people, make small talk and watch the leave again. I´ve been working on making friends with some of the more permanent volunteer types, a few of whomIi like a great deal, so hopefully a bit more permanence and some good times coming up ahead. I don't walk the streets with quite the same wonder that I did a few months ago- it is easy to see the ugly parts of this city as well. The man with a rotting leg who begs for money on the corner, the stores full of plastic imports from China, the man with no legs who drags himself down the street every day on a cart to beg.Women barefoot, with no teeth, hawking belts, corn, tea cozies, whatever they can make. When you know the causes of such things, and see the contrasts between the lives we internationals lead here, and the hardship that indigenous people in the communities around still endure, it is a lot to think about.It is heartening to know so much good work is being done, but hard to justify your own lifestyle one way or another. I try my best to find a balance, knowing I couldn't do what I am doing here anywhere else in the world, and hoping that here I can learn to live with a kind of balance and consciousness that is much harder to attain in New York.
Meanwhile, my thoughts turn more and more to my return, which will probably occur sometime in late March or early April, and I don´t dread the thought as much as I would have thought- the pain of leaving all I have here is significantly dulled by imagining returning to all the lovely people I have left behind.

Much love, to those brave souls who have managed to read this entire email. I salute you.

abrazos,
tbz

mrscaulfield @ 2006-01-11T20:49:00

2006-01-12T03:05:03Z

WORST DAY EVER. I cried in the bathroom 3 times for no reason, stubbed my toe really badly, froze my ass off cataloguing videos in a dark room, dropped a jar of honey, burned my dinner, broke the water boiler, almost quit my job, and couldnt pick up my laundry. Also all my friends are gone and i have no one to bitch to except a french guy named Boris.

Hi. PMS WHAT?

Besides desperately missing my friends, I am having a total Rhode Island fit.
I NEED the following things.
A large glass of Coffee milk
A grilled Cheese Bickfords or Haven Bros.
Some Johhnycakes
A spikes veggie dog
DELS LEMONADE
Coffee ice cream from Grays

Then I want to go to the beach and digest. Also it would be summer and not freezing cold and everyone I know would happen to be there at the same time and someone would say " hey lets go ride a carousel!" and then we would and then miraculously college hill books would have reopened, and we would go there, and maybe catch a movie at the Avon, and then 20 million people would come over to my house and pile in my huge bed and cuddle. SIGH.

Instead, I will go eat some rice and beans. Alone. And then get in my very small foam mattress bed and read a book. That is kind of the same.

Photobucket

2005-12-20T20:14:27Z

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

mrscaulfield @ 2005-12-06T19:46:00

2005-12-07T01:48:30Z

more pitchas.
http://photobucket.com/albums/y191/barzemer/My%20normal%20life/?